Ponder this:

Monday, March 7, 2011

Experiments in gravity, fashion statements, and pain

sore toeI wasn't sure if I should provide follow-up information about The Toe, but so many of you were so kindly sympathetic that it seems only fitting to let you know how it fares now, not quite three weeks after the event.


The ER doctor sent me to the podiatrist for follow up during the next week. The podiatrist took one look at my toe, told me what he planned to do as the usual procedure in such "crush injuries," and injected . . . novocaine? . . . lidocaine? . . . some numbing agent into my foot. I managed not to swear but I do believe that I might have spoken in tongues. Loudly. Interestingly, there are reflexes in one's foot that make it want to jump violently away from sharp objects invading deeply into its nerves. If those reflexes had been as active during the Falling Wood Incident as they were during the Numbing Incident, I doubt I would have been seeing the podiatrist at all.

And then he left the room for a little bit to let my toe get numb.
And then he came back with little scissors.
I wanted to watch, but the very idea was hugely horrifying to me, so I lay back on the reclining chair. We conversed while he did whatever he was doing down there. At one point I lifted my head to answer him and saw enough to make me quickly regain my semi-prone position, eyes fixed on the holes in the acoustical ceiling tile.
He removed my toenail.
I know. 
Gruesome, isn't it.
But it was clearly the way to go because it began to look and feel more like a toe, instead of a small club, right away.

So . . . I recover from my latest experiment in the effects of gravity.
I may or may not regrow my tenth toenail, the doctor says. And should it regrow, it may or may not be normal. And, he said, if it is not normal, we can try removing it again to give it another chance. Mm-hm. Not bloody likely, that.

Multicast PostOp Shoe - Womens

I have my cute 'n' snappy podiatrist-issued velcro-strapped shoe that makes me walk flatfooted (so as not to dislodge the damaged inner framework of that digit). 

Good training for the clunky sandals for which I grow ever more eligible.

Here's a punchline for you: He told me he had permanently removed his own toenails on his big toes and on his pinky toes so that, with the aid of lots of Vaseline, he can fit his foot into a soccer shoe that's a size smaller than he would otherwise wear. He says it makes feeling and controlling the ball easier. 
Doesn't that seem a hair's breadth away from old-time Chinese "three-inch golden lotuses"?

21 comments:

Wanda..... said...

He must lovvvvve soccer...I better keep an eye on the feet of one of my grandsons, a serious star soccer player at 17!

Glad your toe is on the mend...normal toenail or not.

Munir said...

I hope that your blood sugar level is right. My Mom had diabetese and she did not realize what damages her foot would go through.

Olga said...

whew,vicarious shivers of pain. hope your get a good toe nail back.

rachel said...

I had a small episode of fainting as I read this. I fact, I still feel quite fai......

rachel said...

Back now, a bit pale....

Do you have that interesting term "a right nutter"? That's what your podiatrist sounds like. Scary!

Jinksy said...

Cor! I'd have had to watch! I love seeing all the gory details of what's being done to me... But I do hope he had the right answers, and that your toenail reappears soon. :)

Grandmother said...

Ewww! Truly gruesome. I don't know if I'd trust a podiatrist who removes his own (precious, protective) toenails to wear a smaller size shoe for soccer! There's something very wrong about that. Just saying.
(I swear your WV is: axinch!)

Barb said...

That punchline definitely makes me wonder about your Podiatrist. I actually had to lie on the sofa and breathe in a paper bag after reading of your toe nail surgery.

Carolynn said...

Damn! I went to see a podiatrist a couple of times for an ingrown toenail problem I'd developed as a result of wearing ill-fitting rubber boots at the barn. He told me he'd become a podiatrist after having an operation on his big toes too. Must be a pre-requisite or something.

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

That man sounds seriously weird !
Still , I suppose he's at least not likely to say , " You won't notice a thing! "
Your sturdy sandal ( or have you opted for the matching pair? ) might be quite cutting edge fashion-wise somewhere .... who knows ? They look very efficient , anyway .

Sightings said...

I tell ya', wood is dangerous! So is gravity! That's why I stay home on the couch and avoid heavy lifting. Being a klutz myself, that's the only way I've managed to avoid the ER for the past few years. (Plus, with my med ins. I pay $150 for the ER -- that's a LOT of wood.)

Good luck with your toe & toenail!

June said...

Wanda, he apparently does love soccer! I asked him if wearing small shoes isn't bad for his feet, and he said he'd worry about that when he's older. He also said his mother and his wife almost killed him when he did it.

Munir, it seems to be coming right along, so no worries.

Olga, thanks. Me too.

Rachel, those two comments make me laugh out loud at every reading! :-P

Jinksy, somehow I expected that you would have been one to be inspecting every bit of the deal. You're a tough cookie.

Grandmother . . . yes, gruesome. But I've seen him before for other issues and he's a pretty good guy, and seems to be handling this wound pretty well. I actually felt better, knowing that he had experienced almost the same thing.

Barb, really? I'm sorry. I'm surprised that somebody who jumps off ski lifts at a zillion feet above sea level would be undone by that story.

Carolynn, a prerequisite? Hm. Maybe...

S&S, in fact, he was very casual about the whole operation. "You won't feel a thing. It's very easy to take care of." And the like.

Sightings, thanks. I do a good bit of couch surfing m'sel'. It's the oddity of actual physical movement that causes these ripples, I think.

Retired English Teacher said...

Ouch! I do hope you are out of pain soon. Many of my runner friends have had to have this done. I guess if it doesn't grow back, you will save on pedicures.

June said...

RET, thanks. The pain pretty much stopped two days after the . . . removal. It's nothing more than an inconvenience now.

Frances Garrood said...

Interesting things, toenails. As a nurse in theatre, I was happy to witness open heart surgery, kidney transplants, ruptured aortas. But the removal of a toenail...that was soemthing else. Somehow you identify with a toenail. Good luck with yours!

The Cranky Crone, she lives alone! said...

That was a chilling report June! Im so going to be careful with my feet, the thought of having to have any procedure like that done makes my toe's curl! excuse the pun.
Good to see your sense of humour still intact.

georgia little pea said...

Ai yai yai. That sounds painful. Hope you're feeling better.

I'm not sure about that doctor of yours. He... hmmm...mutilated himself to fit into soccer shoes? That is quite bizarre!

Friko said...

This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home and this little piggy went eeeeeek.

Fran said...

Those Velcro shoes are the new Jimmy Choos. Don't let anyone tell you different ...

Freda said...

Well done for surviving all of that - thanks for not posting a real photo!

Hilary said...

Ugh.. I'm not sure how much I'd trust that podiatrist but I sure hope you're well on your way to healing.