Ponder this:

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

What animals ARE these?

I do not live with two poodles.
I live with two ferrets in suits of poodle.
Ever watch a ferret for fifteen seconds?
It's up and over and all around, nosing here, darting there. In constant motion, in search of God knows what, but certainly not whatever's easily found.


All night long, the poodles want to get under the blankets. When they've accomplished that, they want to get out from under the blankets. Max has lost every sense he ever owned except a slight bit of scenting ability, which does not help him find the top of the blankets. He roots around, whanging his head upward every other step to knock the blanket out of his way, the whole circuit of the bed. While I lie not breathing, pretending that I can sleep through this. Finally, I open the blankets wide. The fresh cold air rushing underneath next to my warm body allows him to get out.


When I arise in the morning I have One Thing That I Must Do, and that is to medicate the poodles. I tried for a long time to pry their tiny jaws open as I was bent down to their height. It's physically easier to hide the quartered or eighthed pills in bits of butter, or liverwurst, or (and this is the result of lengthy and expensive research) Turkey and Turkey Gravy Gerber Stage 2 baby food. 
GERBER® 2ND FOODS® Meats – Turkey & Turkey Gravy
No matter what I use as disguise, they find the substance that they must ingest for continued health, eat the expensive and carefully applied disguise food, and spit out the infinitesimal bit of medication.
Afterward they go to the door, stare out and bark at nothing. They don't want to go out; they want me to get up and attend them. They don't need anything; they just want to know that they can make me come to them.


They don't want the food I've put before them. Each wants his brother's food. Same food, same dishes . . . his is different and better.


I've done it to them. I have done it to myself. I know this.
And this is why I must never get another puppy. I must only ever get grown up dogs Who Know How To Act.
I am too easily trained.

28 comments:

seemeye said...

I love this post and can so readily relate to being trained by my dogs. I used to do the pill dance too until I discovered the amazing invention of the Pill Pocket. It's a nice little beef or chicken flavored pouch that you can slip the pill in and cover it up. It must taste wonderful because my dog eats it up readily. In fact, I have to hide the pouches from my other dogs who think it is a crime that I won't give it to them as a treat.

threecollie said...

Anyone who has ever loved a dog can relate. I worked in a veterinarian's office, kennel and surgery for eight years...and yet...our old BC, Gael could foil me on pills no matter how I presented them!

rachel said...

Ferrets might be easier.....

Then again, a labrador. They'll eat anything, medicated or otherwise.

esbboston said...

I don't want to imagine what it would be like to have two dogs when the one I have now drives me insane every once in a while. I just try to reason with him and be insistent and firm as long as possible before eventually caving in to his demands.

DJan said...

I can see you trying to sleep in such a madhouse, and it makes me smile. All dogs (except labs) can find those little pieces of pills, no matter what you do. My sister is an expert at popping a pill into a dog's snout, holding it closed, and stroking the neck until he swallows. I was amazed when I saw this.

Mac n' Janet said...

I think your dogs have a long distance cat cousin. I'm covered in scratches right now because I hold the cat while my husband pries her jaws open. And her specialty is getting under the covers, getting between us and slowly pushing us farther apart.

JeannetteLS said...

everyone who's ever loved a FRIEND'S dog, even, can relate. This was a spit out my coffee read, I'm afraid. I have watched the pill-hidings.

And seen the friend collapse, making the same observation about being too easily trained.

My best friend, with whom I lived for a time, had a dog who, when you asked for her paw, would look away in disdain.

When you said, "FINE. Don't give it to me," the paw would show up.

We gave up.

Hilary said...

lol.. poor you. I became pretty good at pilling cats a long time ago. I'm not so sure I'd manage as well with a dog. I can relate to the burrowing under the blankets, and out again. And the never-ending quest to see what's in the other bowl. I have now taken to feeding my cats in separate rooms in order to keep the bigger guy from finishing off his brother's meal.

Hildred and Charles said...

Our granddaughter has a dog like that - his name is Bruce. The minute he enters the door he is up on Charles' lap, licking his face, then down around the chair, a race down the hallway and back again to have another cuddle on the lap and a another kiss for Grandpa..... Lovely wee dog!

Linda Myers said...

I agree there's a cat relative somewhere in their pedigree.

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

Smitonius's old cat would regard any pillow as her own , and promptly jump up and l-o-u-n-g-e on it , rather like Charles Laughton at a Roman banquet .
If you were sleeping in the bed at the time , it all became quite cosy .

georgia little pea said...

FUNNY! everyone who's had a dog knows it's the humans that get trained. Georgia doesn't like pills either. She'll sniff it out in food but being a swallower rather than a chewer, stuffing it into a piece of meat usually works. otherwise, it's the old "prise open the jaws trick". how about pounding the pills into powder and sprinkling it into their food? :)

June said...

Thank you for the suggestions, those of you who offered them...
I have previously considered Pill Pockets but in my experienced and considered opinion, they are not the answer to the problem. I might see if I can get a free sample to try.
Pounding the medications into powder, I think, would simply render the entire meal inedible.
And with this switching meals issue, what if Angus got Max's beta blocker and Max ate Angus' thyroid med? :-o

Barb said...

Hilarious - they've trained you well. Have you tried peanut butter? It seems to me that used to work on my old dog - I think I just rolled it in the PB and put it on top of her food.

Friko said...

Perhaps the fact that I have rescue dogs accounts for it: All my dogs are well-trained and obedient. I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my Benno, my current dog, to bits, but I am the boss, top dog, ruler of the pack.

He has many pills, being an old dog and arthritic, they go in through the side of his mouth which I then clamp shut with my hand. With the other hand I stroke his throat and down goes the pill when he swallows automatically.

Job done.

Vicki Lane said...

Oh, dear -- this is all so familiar. Our 'new' dog (we've had her three months) has learned to sit for treats. I, on the other hand, have learned to get the leash when she whines, to give her a chewie before we go to bed, to make room for her under the covers between me and my husband . . .

Isabelle said...

Yes, I am well-trained by our cats. Pills? Ha ha ha. No chance.

DogsMom said...

I am the servant around here as well. No sense trying to deny it.
We added another master to the household this week. She believes only cat food is good enough for her although she is of the canine variety. And even though she is smaller than the cats she has no fear, of them or the 100+ pound canines, that she insists on running beneath their jaws at mealtime, on her way to the cat dishes.
We regularly are prying jaws open for something or other (pills in or something else out)
but have found that peanut butter can sometimes disguise a small pill, or a bit of cheese if the dog feels someone else may snap it up if not eaten quickly. Use the sense of competition to our advantage.

Rubye Jack said...

God help you. Or, bless you?

Carolynn said...

LOL...how DO they do that little trick with the pills? Where would we be without our neurotic pets? In a nut house ourselves, probably, trying to figure out how to get our heads out from underneath the blankets. *grin*

schmidleysscribblins,wordpress.com said...

OMG this is so true. Butter, cream cheese, broasted chicken from the deli, David has tried it all to disquise the dreaded pill.
Food, what food, is that food in that dish? Coulda fooled me.

Anonymous said...

The servant word is a bit demeaning. We prefer the title of staff. The felines insist on some dignity. Hat

Freda said...

Your night-time story shows why it is wise to let sleeping dogs lie...... when they are still, make the most of it. What fun they sound! Every Blessing

Morning Bray Farm said...

I smiled all the way through this post.

Those boys are so lucky to have you.

Pauline said...

That last line made me laugh out loud! If you ever do get an older, trained dog, please write about it!

Joe Todd said...

Hi June.. I live with 100's of Teddy Bears. Almost no problem at all LOL

Tracy said...

well Heaven's to Betsy....we can't get Hurricane to eat his pill either so perhaps I should try baby food? UGH! spoiled babies...

Beth Camp said...

Another amusing, heart-warming post. I loved it, mostly because your poodles are among my virtual pets. Give them a snuggle for me!