Y'can't make this stuff up.

Fun times at the office last week.

• Man phones, put gun in car last night to go hunting this morning; gun is gone. Will send an officer, where do you live? I don't know, can you hold on a few minutes? Eight minutes later, comes back with his address.
• Send officer, locked out of car at Grand and Main. Officer goes, nobody there. Guy calls back, angry: "Where's the policeman?" Told officer sent, no one at Grand and Main. "I meant Robin and South!"
• Lady, medical emergency, can't reach the ambulance at the listed phone number. On Social Security (DSS) disability, on Medicaid, moved here from the city. Have you called 911? No, because the ambulance would take me to the the local hospital, which I consider substandard. Can't reach DSS representative, can't get a supervisor. Ends call, having decided to call State Commissioner of Social Services.
• Man calls PD worried about neighbor killing his rooster. "He's already killed two of my roosters and wife is crying."
• Guy wants to know what's the smallest crime he has to commit to get arrested. He left his ID in his home state and needs some ID. Several following days, spends several hours walking around the parking lot wearing a red Superman-like cape. Didn't get arrested.
• Woman needs a copy of father's death certificate, doesn't know where he lived or if he's dead.
• Woman, furious: People next door put up a clothesline in their back yard and she doesn't like looking at their laundry from her bathroom window.
• Man, furious: Neighbor puts trash at curb on trash pickup day. On your property? No, on his property, but right next to mine. How long is it out there? For an hour before the trash collector comes.
• Building owner cited for trash accumulation in the fire lane behind building, says he'll tell his tenants to stop throwing garbage bags back there. Next day, tenants hang full garbage bags on the building's second-floor exterior wall.
• Tenant complains about unsanitary conditions. Inspector and property owner meet at apartment. Very drunk complainant lets them in for inspection. They all have to walk around a freshly deposited puddle of beer vomit.
• Tenant complains about unsafe electrical condition. Shows inspector a singed, partially melted surge protector as proof, wants the surge protector back from the inspector so he can watch television. Later same day, tenant opens window to let in breeze, forgetting that it's the window that's holding his air conditioner in place. Air conditioner falls from third floor to Main Street sidewalk. No injuries.