Ponder this:

Saturday, January 26, 2013


When I was in my twenties or thirties a woman who had been my friend for years and years said to me, in a conversation about a mutual acquaintance, "He's like you."
"How so?" I asked.
"You know... Needy," she said.
I was offended, hurt. 
I think being insulted by being called "emotionally needy" is a result of being emotionally needy. There is the chance, too, that my friend was simply indulging in one of the opportunities that long friendship offers, that opportunity being bitchiness in the guise of neutral conversation.

One morning in the last month, the sky, with the sun peeking askance through the dense slivers of clouds, looked just like artfully layered mourning dove feathers. Taupe and pale gray and peachy-creamish and dark gray. It was beautiful. The colors were so gentle and soft, dense rather than wispy, that a photograph would have looked like nothing, would not have conveyed the peace of the light.

When my mother died, I was so relieved that I could finally cut myself free of Family. Now the nephew and niece-in-law have mucked that up with their spring delivery.  If I want a piece of Baby Girl, I'll need to be in touch with my parents' other child. It has been my experience that particular life issues recur until I've dealt with them. I think this is one of those issues. 

And the cold goes on and on. I took a nap this afternoon and I wouldn't have minded if I stayed asleep, or at least in bed, all covered up, until tomorrow morning. Supposed to be all the way up to 21F tomorrow.
And sunny.

Tried to do laundry today. I've been saving it up all week. The drain pipe must have frozen because as the cycle reached the first "drain," it dripped down through the ceiling into the downstairs hallway and down into the cellar. I took the rest of the stuff to the laundromat where they will wash it and fold it for me and hand it back in plastic bags. Every time I have occasion to use that service, I think, "Why don't I do this all the time?????" Drop it off, pay some money, have the whole day free of laundry!


Cloudia said...

"When my mother died, I was so relieved that I could finally cut myself free of Family. Now the nephew and niece-in-law have mucked that up with their spring delivery. If I want a piece of Baby Girl, I'll need to be in touch with my parents' other child. "

SAME SAME, Dear! (Mom still kicking though)

Happy Aloha to YOU
from Honolulu,
Comfort Spiral
~ > < } } ( ° >

Sally Wessely said...

Your second paragraph is absolutely beautiful. I've never thought of comparing the clouds to dove feathers, and yet, when I read this paragraph, I could see a cloud filled sky in my mind that would look just like this.

I don't know if you are emotionally needy or not. I think you struck a chord with many of us when you spoke of being set free from family when your mother died, that is until a nephew changed all that. I can relate to what you are saying.

A Reader's Life said...

People...who need people...are the luckiest people in the world. Isn't that what the song says?
Cold here, too. Daughter's washer froze with a full load in it and she had to wring them out by hand and put them in the dryer. It finally thawed out today and she spun out the last of the water. We're expecting 60 degrees next week. Yay!

The Cranky Crone, she lives alone! said...

Why is it when a 'y' is added to a word it becomes something different, if i need something, another human being, a hug, food then thats ok, but if im 'needy' then it all becomes a little different clingy, greedy, what a shame, we all need a little 'y' sometimes am i being 'moany' or am i just having a moan.

Depends on how much you want to have a piece of your neices baby, better to start how you mean to carry on, and if it means listening to hours of how you have never seen/heard/envisioned such a clever/beautiful/advanced baby from a new grandparent, which is fine and dandy when you have a close relationship, but not when its not. Im sure your neice must be aware of the current situation, maybe you can achieve an autonomous more low level relationship with her and he baby to keep your sanity. Especially with that lovely knitting you have produced so thoughtfully.

Joanne Noragon said...

"It's the finishing I don't like. Tucking in the tails from the beginning, pulling the edges to find the stitches to tie parts together... I get impatient with those details unless I settle my mind first and consciously stay exactly where I am in the work.

Good advice for general life, eh?"

You do want to know this little girl; the rest will fall in place. The little knits are too lovely not to present in person.

Rian said...

You do knit beautifully. I'll bet your niece will treasure those little things you took the time and trouble to make. That in itself says something.

Carolynn Anctil said...

My best friend once told me I was beige. I carried that little nugget around with me for a long time and when I reminded her of her comment years later, she didn't even remember having spoken the words.

I was relieved and felt an almost physical lifting of a heavy weight when my Dad passed away. I have since come to know more about him and to appreciate who he was since his death. My relationship with him now has improved considerably.

I once dated a man who had his laundry done for him by a service - including his underwear. It struck me as incredibly indulgent, at the time.

Sometimes, a day spent in bed, with only forays for hot tea and bathroom breaks, is the best thing.


DJan said...

Very interesting post. The laundry situation made me wonder why anybody would ever do laundry if one had such a service! And I enjoyed the comments others have left. Wish I could be so original... :-)

Vicki Lane said...

Love the description of the sky-- those subtle mourning dove colors.

Olga said...

I would say that you are brave and also ready for reconnecting with family. All that knitting is symbolic. And you certainly know where to look when you need a sense of peace.

Terra said...

I like your sense of humor which shows through here, even with hard subjects. I know your great niece will look so cute in all your pastel creations and good may come of this.

Rose ~ from Oz said...

Lots of chords were struck here June, amazing actually.
I so hope the family stuff works out in either a positive way or, a way that sits comfortably for you.
Babies? way past them. ;)
Loved your sky, how exquisite.

Sharon said...

Ah, friends and family and sky ~ I appreciate your reflections on all three. I thought when my father died that my relationship with my mother would improve; I had made peace with who he was before he died and had to make peace with who my mother is after. I've tried to capture the sky at the ocean, and while I have come close I have never been fully satisfied. Your knitted pieces are beautiful.

I came for a visit by way of "A Glowing Ember."

June said...

Glad you came by, Sharon.
It's good for me to hear that I've struck a chord with so many of you. There seem to be so few Normal Families in the world!

georgia little pea said...

Great post. I'm guessing the cold is taking its toll and making your mind monkey. What's a Normal Family?

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

All families are complicated , fascinating , exhausting and SURPRISE !! , replete with needy* people . Have you ever seen "Dear Octopus"?
But you simply must give the parents-to-be the tiny , beautiful little fum'less mittens and that really does mean being on at least nodding terms with the baby's grandmother . You'll all survive ! Then it can all return to weddings , funerals and Thanksgiving like most of us .
* Friend was just being catty .... you're no more "needy" than the rest of us !

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

Oh ,what I meant was " Then it can all return to weddings , funerals and Thanksgiving like most of ue ".... except for Baby Girl , obviously

Barb said...

I can tell you're excited for this new baby - you'll reconnect on YOUR terms now. What a lovely description of the sky - reminds me of a small stone (the Mindful Writing I'm trying to do now). Hopefully that was "friend" in the past tense! Hope the pipe damage isn't extensive. That can be a mess.

Hilary said...

Babies have a way of repairing and renewing. I hope that is so with this sweet little one too.

Friko said...

I don’t reckon to miss any of your posts. How did this one get away?

It’s true June, sweet and sour, sharp, melancholy, rambling, and above all, a joy to read.

Give me a nudge when you post again, perhaps this post happened during one of my off periods. Been a bit off blogging lately but seem to have found my stride again.

Tom said...

I too hope the new baby brings happy family relationships, not difficult ones. As for your last point ... I actually like to do laundry. Gives me a sense of accomplishment. Uh oh, that probably sends me way beyond needy to merely pathetic!