Ponder this:

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Angus 1996-2013


When I started this blog I had three dogs and one cat.
Today I am officially petless.
How much cleaner the house will be. 
How much better I will be able to concentrate without frequent interruptions to lift up, lift down, carry upstairs, carry downstairs.
How much more freedom of movement in my bed at night without a warm body smashed up against the small of my back.


I dropped him off at 9am. The doctor and I talked about "what if it IS a mass," instead of a carnassial tooth abscess, and how to proceed if it was.
She phoned me at work at a little after 10am, while Angus was under, and said it was a mass. She couldn't tell if it was cancerous, but it sure was aggressive. She said if she had to guess she'd say it was a sarcoma or something else....melanoma? Or both, now that I remember. She said there was a hole where something normal should be. The swelling had gotten so much worse since the last time she saw him, last week. His mouth didn't have room for his tongue anymore. Does it matter, then, if the mass is benign or malignant?
I said, "I guess it's time to let him go."
She got one of the techs on the line as a witness and I had to say it again.

Jen said, "Why don't you go home June? Take a mental health day." So I left work and I have food, medications, rugs, blankets all out of sight. The food and meds I'll give to the shelter. The blankets will return to "human afghan" service from whence they came. I started to change my sheets but I don't want to wash him out of my bed yet. We cuddled all last night, his lumpy little head on my hand.




I'm going to miss the little boy an awful lot.

29 comments:

Terra said...

This is sad news indeed and you were wise to take a mental health day off. Your little friend had a good life with you; that's all I can say.

Sharon said...

I'm so sorry. Our pets steal our hearts, and we are forever changed by their unconditional love. Keeping you in my thoughts ~

Carolynn Anctil said...

Oh, June. I'm so sorry. My heart is heavy and it aches for you in your loss and grief. Be kind and gentle with yourself, let the tears flow, and know that you are being held with love and caring today.

Blessings, my friend,
Carolynn
A Glowing Ember

English Rider said...

Unconditional love and inevitable sorrow. The contract we enter into again and again, because it is worth it.
My heart breaks for you.

Linda Myers said...

So, so sorry. Thinking of you today.

Joanne Noragon said...

Good bye, good dog. Thank you for your life.

Friko said...

Poor June.
The last one gone, not to be replaced? Ever?

We love these little blighters too much; why can’t we just be heartless.

i am so sorry for your. I wonder what you’ll do?

Grandmother said...

Our Malamute also had an agressive mouth cancer that took his life at 12. They hold such a place in our hearts don't they?

rachel said...

My beloved Harry had the same dreadful, aggressive cancer. Letting him go was an act of compassion, but oh, how hard! My deepest sympathy goes out to you, June; I know how dreadful you must be feeling.

Rose ~ from Oz said...

My heart is heavy for you June, this raw pain is the pits.
We just love them so very much and its a wrench indescribable.
You are firmly in my thoughts dear June.

the veg artist said...

All of us who have lost long-loved pets are thinking of you. It's hard.

threecollie said...

Oh, June, I am so very, very sorry.

C-ingspots said...

I'm so sorry. They're wonderful members of our family, and give everything they have to us.

Woodswalker said...

Oh I am so sorry. Only another pet lover will understand how deeply we grieve when we lose our dear furry friends. Embrace your sadness and honor it. Dear Angus deserves it.

DJan said...

I am so sorry to hear this, along with your other followers. It's tragic to lose our loved ones, whether furry and four-legged or members of our own species. Sending you lots of cyber hugs and wishing you the very best recovery from your loss. Blessings. :-(

the7msn said...

Not living long enough... a dog's only fault. My thoughts are with you today, June.

Garry Ladouceur said...

sigh.

georgia little pea said...

The call you didn't want to get. I'm so sorry, June but you did the right thing by Angus. I haven't washed Jordan's bed yet and he's been gone 4 years. I think, after a break, you'll get another doggy. You can't go from 4 pets to none, and not miss their bodies around the house. Hugs X

Olga said...

How very sad to lose a beloved companion. You are in my thoughts.

Hilary said...

I am so sorry, June. I know how hard it is to let go of our sweet furry babies. My heart aches for you. Hugs to you.

Kathleen McCoy said...

I'm so sorry, June. Losing a beloved animal is so hard. I'm glad Jen understood and encouraged you to take a mental health day. What a precious little animal! I can understand why you don't want to change the sheets just yet. Grief is a process. It's a time to remember all the love and warmth and good days you shared and to grieve the loss of all of this and to imagine a different life without pets. They'll always be with you in memory -- and sometimes these memories will make you smile and sometimes the tears will flow. Please know that you're in my thoughts.

The Cranky Crone, she lives alone! said...

Dear June, I'm so sorry to hear this, yet another loss, so hard the vacuum left behind.
All my warm wishes and gentle hugs go out to you June.

#1Nana said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. There's really no way to erase the reminders. I still occasionally take the left turn into the pet food aisle at the supermarket, and then I remember that our animals have been gone for years. But, the thought of them now brings a smile to my face. Take care.

Susan said...

I'm sorry for your loss. My hubby and I had three cats. Each lived to be sixteen years old. The decision to do what you did is not easy. This year on New Year's Eve, my sweet Hubby joined them in Heaven. I'm doing well. Life goes on. Stay strong and remember all those fun times you had.

Lu x said...

I'm so sorry :( theres something so profound about the death of an animal, especially a much loved friend. What a wonderful life you gave the little man. With metta xxxxx

Freda said...

I'm only just catching up with my blogs and was so sad to read your news. But I am glad you had him for so long. Blessings to both of you. Freda www.freda.org.uk

Vicki Lane said...

You gave him the gift of letting him go -- blessings and hugs, June.

Heidrun Khokhar, KleinsteMotte said...

How very sad! What a shock to have lost them all in this timespan. Perhaps someday you may want to get a new pet. There are so many who need to be rescued.

morningbrayfarm.com said...

Oh, June. I haven't visited you for so long and I come to find this. I'm so very, very sorry.