Ponder this:

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Offense

I use email a lot. Sometimes I have the same news to tell more than one person.  On occasion I copy and paste bits from one sent email into a new email to another friend.
Recently someone sent me a message saying she knows I do that and she knows and understands that it saves time and that's why I do it. But she finds it offensive.
"...offensive"!

She went on to say that she would rather not hear from me than to get excerpts of emails to others. 
Really.
...and that she doesn't read my blog because it makes her feel uncomfortable, as if she were reading my diary.
All right. 

I love The Computer. Email, blogs, checking out random information. All of it.
I checked on email etiquette and nowhere did I find that copying and pasting one's own message is impolite.

In the same email she recommended that I rent a particular movie.  
She loves watching movies (the same ones over and over again....she's probably worn out her copies of Under the Tuscan Sun and Babe).
I responded that watching movies at home makes me feel as if I'm wasting time. I'd rather write something or read, and maybe read myself into a nap. 

Back came, "I feel about naps the way you feel about watching movies."
I'm not responding to that one.  
I am not going to email back and say, "Yes, I know someone else who feels that napping is a waste of time. She just nods off while she's watching television or having conversations instead, as you do."

After all, once you start this kind of back and forth, it's likely to end up with "you-know-I-suddenly-realize-that-I-really-can't-stand-anything-about-you-and-I-have-no-idea-why-we've-been-friends-for-forty-five-years."

People like what they like. 
I'd like to thin out the emails in that particular direction for a while.

12 comments:

Von said...

Ah yes know what you mean!People either accept you as you are and all your funny habits of they don't.
Who says it's rude apart from your friend? I know some have problems with round robins.I usually do a personal header and footer and keep the news the same if ever I go there.I'm very careful to send one at a time, it still cuts down the time to keep in touch.This year I'm sick of those who never get there/can't be bothered/'aren't good at corresponding' etc.I've just stopped emailing them, no matter how long I've known them, I just don't have time to keep chasing them, too much else to do that's interesting and worthwhile.

Kathryn said...

I do the same thing sometimes (using part/parts of an email to various different ones, but re-worded in places).

My pet peeve is getting forwards of forwards of forwards (often with a ridiculous number of names of folks i don't know).

Someone very dear to me sends these on, tho less frequently recently. What i find difficult is that i never get a note or any personal info. She might well be an acquaintance who just happened to get my email for all the personal info i get. It feels like our relationship is fading with each forward. Sometimes i tell myself that at least she's thinking of me . . . except she probably just has a group she sends things to.

Lord Wellbourne said...

When my mother was hospitalized for two weeks I made the decision to send daily progress emails to everyone who knew her in order to eliminate phone calls. The calls came anyway. At all hours throughout the day. I sent the emails at the same time each evening, but the phone calls kept coming. I finally decided to record whatever I'd written on the voice-mail. That REALLY ticked a bunch of people off. Not everyone had computer access but repeating over and over on the telephone how she was, what she ate, what the doctor said, and the history of bowel movements got on my last nerve. I informed the callers on the recording that "the hospital is 15 minutes away--go and visit her for pete's sake!! And stop calling two or three times a day. I don't want to talk to you or anyone else." Friends and family soon realized that Lord Wellbourne had a bit of razor wire running through his veins.

Your 'friend' is being petty. I get emails and forwards from all over the world every day. I pick and choose what interests me and get to the others as the day progresses. I think it's time for an upgrade on that 'attachment'

By the by, I can't get to the post you wrote yesterday--it says the page doesn't exist. What gives?

Friko said...

Blimey! There's email etiquette?

I too love my computer, emails, blogs, the whole shebang. In fact, it won't be long now before I have to book myself into computer rehab. (That's copyright, I've just thought of that; that could become a post sometime). (kidding)

People I like a little less. Perhaps that's exactly the reason I like emailing rather than phoning. You say as much as you want and you don't have to listen to somebody's gossip about boring stuff you'd rather not hear.

The web is so wonderfully "detached". It's embarrassing to break with somebody in real life, on the web, if somebody's blog is of no interest to you, sliding away sideways is easy.

June said...

LW, that post has been put into storage for a day or two. Stay tuned.

ladyhawthorne said...

Personally I think your 'friend' is way too opinionated and tacky to have said those things.

As to forwarded emails, forwarded several times and showing dozens of other people's emails. I hate that and have tried to educate the worst offenders that do it to me. First you highlight and backspace all the forwarded email addresses so no one has to scroll through pages of it. Second you send "to" yourself only and "BCC" (blind carbon copy) to the other people you want to send it to. That way no one sees any email addresses except yours and their own. I don't like my email going out to people I don't know and I have gotten replies from people I don't know because they replied to all instead of just to the sender. Just one of my pet peeves. Email etiquette is basically common sense. Just don't get me started on the non-existent cell phone etiquette. Really, people should have to take a class in it before they are allowed to purchase or use a cell phone.

Wanda said...

Copied and pasted emails from a friend wouldn't bother me. I even get emails sent to multiple receivers, from friends all the time...I'm glad to be included. Your friend must have been having a bad day, to have complained.

I love the computer and blogging, learning interesting facts about the world and it's people, getting new ideas, and gaining such wonderful friends in the process!

There are some really good movies I enjoy, but they are far between!
Blogs are here all the time!
Smiles to you June!....Wanda

June said...

Oh, Friko, yes!
"You say as much as you want and you don't have to listen to somebody's gossip about boring stuff you'd rather not hear."

Von, freeing...isn't it?

Kathryn and Lady H: Yes, those fwd fwd fwd things....if they're worth passing on, I'm usually very careful to tidy them up and bcc it onward. I have, on occasion, when the message was one that boiled my blood (a snopes-able misinformative message) "replied to all" to do my part to educate those who preceded me.

And LW...you really left that message on the machine? I applaud your forthrightness!

I conclude from this latest experience of mine, as from so many experiences in my life, that people who want to be angry will be angry, regardless of whether or not there is cause.

June said...

Oh, hi, Wanda. We crossed paths while responding!
Mmm-hmm. Having a bad something, for sure

Barb said...

Hi June, Your friend seems jealous and wants a monopoly of your time - too bad - she needs to share you with US now! BTW - I'm using your pasta idea for my stent - wrote about it on the Blog. What would I do without you?

Lord Wellbourne said...

Yes, I did. No one has EVER accused me of being shy and/or demure. I do try to be tactful but incessant stupidity negates all efforts of diplomacy.

JOE TODD said...

I don't know what I would do without copyandpaste LOL